Can You Buy Love?

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, the shops are full of roses, chocolates and shiny things promising romance. But here is the question: Does spending more really make love stronger?

While reading Morgan Housel’s The Art of Spending, I was struck by a simple truth – the things we value most cannot be bought. Will your partner love you more because you have emptied your wallet at the last minute?

Even Warren Buffett, a person who can afford pretty much anything, admits defeat here. He once said: “I can buy sex, buy a dinner in my honour, even buy a book praising how wonderful I am. But the one thing I cannot buy is the love of the people I most want it from.”

Why do we buy gifts in the first place? (let us be honest about our motives)

• We do not want to lose the ‘relationship Olympics.’ If everyone else is buying something, we feel we must too. It is peer pressure dressed in red and pink.
• We are trying to show that the relationship matters. This part is genuine. We care, and we want them to know it.
• We hope it will deepen the relationship. A little romantic investment, right?

Does this actually work?

Short answer: No. Not really. – lovely intentions, but potentially not getting the outcomes we had hoped for.

As Morgan Housel points out in The Art of Spending, the people whose affection we want most are not really moved by material things. Sure, gifts are nice. They are noticed. They are appreciated.

But they do not last.  They are like a spoonful of sugar – sweet, but gone in seconds.

What the people we love truly want is simple

• Attention
• Appreciation
• To feel seen
• To feel important

They want to laugh with you. They want to feel prioritised. They want to feel like they actually matter in your world.

And unfortunately… you cannot buy any of that at a shop or online.

Often, the last-minute Valentine’s mission is really just a way to make up for spending too much time at the office, with friends, or lost in a hobby. Gifts do not fix that. Time and care do.

When we are young, it is easy to believe that owning more – a bigger car, a flashier watch, a polished image, somehow makes us more impressive. And in today’s Instagram and TikTok world, that pressure is louder than ever.

But as life happens, we learn something far more valuable:

Looks fade. Trends fade. “Stuff” fades. Character does not.

What truly lasts and what people remember is how we show up, how we treat others and how we live our values

What actually sustains a relationship is:

• Your humour
• Your warmth
• Your emotional intelligence
• Your ability to care
• Your ability to show up

These things do not go out of fashion.

And no amount of shopping can replace them.

Let us give Warren the last word : “The only way to get love is to be lovable… You would think, if you are rich, you could just write a cheque: ‘I will buy a million dollars’ worth of love.’ But it does not work that way. The more love you give away, the more you get.”

Simple. True.

If you are sharing Valentine’s Day with someone special, by all means spoil them with a gift, but remember, the real gift is the one you cannot swipe your card for.

What truly matters is the care, attention and presence you bring to your relationship. The most meaningful moments are not found in a shopping bag – they are created through laughter, kindness and showing that your loved one genuinely matters to you. That is the real wealth.