At Veritas Wealth, we understand that financial planning is about more than just numbers—it’s about people, relationships, and living a life that feels rich in every sense. As we journey through retirement or the years leading up to it, our friendships become even more precious. Yet, as our means and lifestyles evolve, so too can the dynamics with those we hold dear. Money, though rarely discussed openly, can quietly influence our social circles in surprising and sometimes uncomfortable ways.
The Unspoken Tension: When Means Diverge
Picture this: You are meeting old friends for dinner. Some have enjoyed great financial success, while others are comfortable but more cautious with their spending. The venue is a trendy new spot, the wine is top-shelf, and when the bill arrives, it is split evenly. For some, it is a pleasant evening. For others, it’s a source of quiet discomfort.
Or perhaps you are invited on a group holiday – luxury villas, private tours, and fine dining on the itinerary. You would love to join, but the cost gives you pause. Do you decline and risk feeling left out? Or do you stretch your budget and hope for the best?
These scenarios are common, especially amongst friends who have known each other for decades. Our financial journeys rarely follow the same path, and as we age, those differences can become more pronounced.
Why Money Matters in Friendships
Money is more than a medium of exchange – it is a reflection of our values, priorities, and sometimes, our insecurities. While we might like to believe that friendship is immune to financial realities, the truth is that money plays a significant role in shaping our social interactions.
- Social Inclusion and Exclusion: When friends have differing levels of wealth, it can impact who gets invited to what, and who feels comfortable accepting. One friend’s idea of a “casual night out” might be another’s splurge for the month.
- Lifestyle Alignment: Our spending habits are often tied to our lifestyles. If one couple prefers fine dining and luxury travel, while another enjoys simpler pleasures, it can create a subtle divide. Over time, these differences can lead to fewer shared experiences.
- Unspoken Resentment: Those with less may feel pressured or embarrassed, while those with more may feel misunderstood or even guilty. This can lead to tension, avoidance, or even the gradual drifting apart of once-close friends.
- Changed Group Dynamics: The focus of gatherings can shift from shared experiences to what is affordable or who can “keep up.” This can erode the sense of camaraderie that made the friendship special in the first place.
Money, in essence, can act as both a bridge and a barrier. It can enable wonderful, shared experiences, but it can also highlight differences that were previously unnoticed. Acknowledging this reality is not about assigning blame, but about understanding the forces at play so that we can navigate them with empathy and grace.
Navigating the Nuances: Practical Tips
How can we preserve the joy of friendship while respecting financial realities? Here are some thoughtful strategies:
- Open the Conversation: It may feel awkward, but honesty is the best policy. If you sense discomfort, gently acknowledge it. “I’d love to join, but that’s a bit beyond my budget—could we try something different?” Most friends will appreciate your candour and may even feel relieved.
- Suggest Alternatives: If you are the one with greater means, be mindful of your choices. Suggest a range of options—perhaps a picnic in Kirstenbosch Gardens instead of a high-end restaurant, or a local getaway instead of an overseas trip. Focus on the company, not the cost.
- Be Creative with Experiences: Shared memories do not have to be expensive. Host a potluck dinner, explore Cape Town’s many free attractions, or start a book club. The best moments often come from simple pleasures.
- Respect Boundaries: If a friend declines an invitation or suggests a different plan, accept it graciously. Avoid pressing or making them feel obligated.
- Consider Separate Bills: When dining out, suggest separate bills or pay for what you order. This removes the pressure to “keep up” and ensures everyone feels comfortable.
Friendship First: Awareness and Acceptance
At the heart of it all, friendship is about connection, not consumption. But it is important to acknowledge that as our financial circumstances change, so too can our relationships. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, friendships may grow apart – not out of malice, but because our worlds and priorities have shifted.
Being aware of these changes as they happen allows us to approach them with understanding rather than regret. It i snatural for friendships to evolve over time, just as we do. By staying mindful and empathetic, we can preserve the bonds that matter most, even if they take on new forms.
At Veritas Wealth, we are here to help you navigate every aspect of your financial journey, including the ones that touch your heart as much as your wallet. If you would like to discuss these topics further, we are just a call away.
Spot on! Follow these tips and you will find out who your real friends are, Very few pass this test. Thanks