Sometimes life’s most meaningful lessons arrive when we least expect them.
Three months ago, my wife and I headed to the KwaZulu-Natal North Coast with the family for a big birthday celebration. We were looking forward to spending time with family, making memories and enjoying a short break from everyday life.
Instead, we found ourselves spending the next three weeks in the ICU at Ballito Mediclinic.
Our 19-year-old daughter suffered a pneumothorax, commonly known as a collapsed lung. What followed were weeks filled with uncertainty, three procedures, countless conversations with specialists and healthcare professionals and an emotional rollercoaster that none of us anticipated. Our family was split between Cape Town and Durban with one of us having to be with our two sons who returned to school.
Thankfully, after a long and challenging journey, her lung eventually sealed and she was finally discharged. Because flying was prohibited following the procedure, we drove her back to Cape Town over two days.
With a little distance from the experience, I have spent some time reflecting on what it taught me. While there were a few lessons, two stand out above the rest.
Children are more resilient than you think
As parents, we like to think we are the strong ones.
This experience challenged my assumption. Throughout her stay in hospital, our daughter displayed a level of resilience that both surprised and inspired us. She endured painful procedures, difficult conversations, setbacks and uncertainty. Yet her focus never shifted.
She had one goal, which was to get better and get back to university, as she didn’t want to fall behind in her studies.
There was no self-pity. No dwelling on worst-case scenarios. No complaining about what she was missing. She simply kept moving forward.
My wife and I, on the other hand, found ourselves riding an emotional wave. We worried and second-guessed decisions. We felt frustrated by delays and anxious about outcomes. We were trying to support our daughter, while also remaining present for our two sons back in Cape Town.
Like many families facing a crisis, we had to divide and conquer.
Looking back, I am not sure our daughter appreciated just how much strength she gave us through her determination. Her resilience helped carry us through.
It was a powerful reminder that resilience is not about pretending everything is fine.
It is about choosing to focus on what you can control, even when so much feels uncertain. Whoever said parenting was easy?
What we were really looking for
The second lesson took a little longer to understand.
Over the three weeks, we interacted with numerous doctors, specialists, surgeons, nurses, physios and senior medical staff. Without question, the quality of care was excellent and we remain enormously grateful for everything the medical teams did for our daughter.
Yet my wife and I found ourselves increasingly frustrated at times.
Not because people were unhelpful, but because nobody seemed to hold the complete picture.
Each specialist understandably focused on their area of expertise. One looked at the surgical considerations. Another focused on recovery. Others were monitoring specific aspects of her condition.
What we found difficult was continually having to explain the history.
This was not the first time our daughter had experienced a collapsed lung.
We were from out of town, she was desperate to get back to university.
Her symptoms were changing, nothing was straightforward, there were complications and our concerns were evolving.
Every new conversation felt as though we were having to join the dots all over again.
What we desperately wanted was not another expert opinion.
We wanted someone we could trust, someone who understood our history, our story.
Someone who listened carefully and could explain the plan in language two worried parents could understand.
In many ways, we were not searching for medical expertise alone, we were searching for guidance.
The connection to financial planning
It was only afterwards that I realised how closely this mirrors what many people are looking for in their financial lives.
Most people do not wake up wanting to discuss investment products, tax legislation, estate planning structures or retirement projections. They don’t want to know all the technical jargon.
What they want is confidence in the way forward. They want clarity and simplicity.
They want someone who understands their situation and can help them make informed decisions. They want guidance.
Financial planning often involves a range of specialists, each has an important role to play. What many families need most is someone who understands how all the pieces fit together. Someone who knows their history. Someone who understands the family’s goals, fears, responsibilities and aspirations. Someone who can coordinate the conversations and help make sense of the complexity.
I often think of our role as being similar to that of a trusted family doctor.
A good GP may not perform surgery themselves, but they know the patient. They understand the history. They coordinate care. They call in specialist expertise when required. Most importantly, they provide continuity and reassurance when life becomes complicated.
That is what I hope our clients experience at Veritas Wealth.
Our responsibility remains to understand the whole picture and help our clients navigate it with confidence.
A final thought
If there is one thing this experience reinforced for me, it is that expertise matters, but relationships matter just as much.
When life throws something unexpected your way, whether it is a medical crisis, the loss of a loved one, retirement or a significant financial decision, what you often need most is not a technical answer.
You need someone who knows you, who understands you, who listens to you. Someone you trust.
Three months ago, our daughter taught us a great deal about resilience. The experience also reminded me why trust sits at the heart of every meaningful advisory relationship.
It is easy to be there when life is going according to plan. The real value of a trusted relationship is knowing someone will be there when it is not.
By Rick Briers-Danks, Financial Planner at Veritas Wealth
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